dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
