omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
