Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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