I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
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