When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
