Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
