I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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