All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
