Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
