So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
