next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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