I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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