Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
