the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We are all done wearing pants today
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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