This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
