she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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