Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I intend to get homeless drunk
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
