In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
