$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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