I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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