I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
