I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize