just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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