How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The air taste purple.
Randomize
