Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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