Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think a kid would responsible me up
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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