either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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