Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize