I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
