I seem to have left my pride at pride
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
