yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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