I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
