my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
