Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
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