We named our party play list daddy issues
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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