i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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