You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
