So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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