Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
