yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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