I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think your dad took our porno
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
