Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize