my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
