I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
