I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
