Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
