i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
