Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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