Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you traded sex for a burrito?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
