her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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