All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
