never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
