There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize