is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
