this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Houston, we have a squirter
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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