Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize