we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize