I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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