what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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