why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
