I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
