I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she told me i tasted like america
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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