Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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