K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize