You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
