Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
