I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
