his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
